GREEN CAMPAIGN URGES DRIVERS TO GET WEDGED UNDER LORRY

Image

THE government's latest green motoring campaign is urging drivers to switch off their engines and get wedged under a massive lorry.

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MEN STILL TRYING TO FANCY LADY GAGA

ImageMEN are still really trying to find the constantly-naked Lady Gaga attractive, it emerged last night.

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McLAREN LAUNCH SUPERCAR FOR THE ARSE ON A BUDGET

ImageFORMULA 1 manufacturer Mclaren has unveiled a budget supercar targeted at the insecure arse with only £150,000 to waste.

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MOST PEOPLE 'DON'T KNOW WHAT THEIR JOB IS'

ImageTHE majority of the UK workforce do not really know what they are supposed to be doing while they are at the office, according to new research.

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SUNDERLAND TO BUILD CAR THAT WON'T REACH DONCASTER

ImageTHE Nissan factory in Sunderland is to produce a new electric car that will be unable to get as far as Doncaster.

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TERRY IN CLUMSY ATTEMPT TO ENTER SECURITY GUARD

ImageCHELSEA captain John Terry injured a Stamford Bridge security guard in what the club has described as bungled attempt to have sexual intercourse with him.

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THE NEWS IN PICTURES



Labour assaults Britain
with penis


 


Gillian Taylforth declared
national emergency

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One woman's week

Karen Fenessey
'We've given the green light to
battalions of orange schoolgirls
to repeatedly copulate with train
conductors and weathermen.
And nobody needs to see that.'

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News Briefly

 
Schools urge government to make drug slightly more expensive and a lot more dangerous
"We're only trying not to help," says National Association of Head Teachers

'We just assumed it was first years' semen' says top public school
"If something tastes funny round here it usually means there's a load of spunk in it," admits spokesman
 

Your stars: taurus



This week you will suggest an
insurance scheme for dogs and
then abandon it four days later
because you're an over-rated
arsewit who has no business
running the Home Office.


 
 
 

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