Celebrity

Clarkson becomes motorist, farmer, and pub landlord in gammon martyrdom triple

JEREMY Clarkson is now three of the right-wing’s biggest victims of injustice – a motorist, a gentleman farmer and now a pub landlord.

We ask you: Does losing £2,683,345 make Andrew Tate even more tough and cool?

FORMER kickboxer and current slaphead Andrew Tate and brother Tristan have lost £2.6 million to Devon and Cornwall Police. Is it because he’s so manly?

Prince Andrew to attend peasants' Christmas dinner, possibly yours

PRINCE Andrew, banned from Christmas at Sandringham, is to celebrate the season at the house of a subject to be chosen at random.

Six other calendar events Prince Andrew is best advised to avoid

KING Charles III has graciously invited his younger brother not to attend this week’s Buckingham Palace Christmas party. He should also stay home for these.

The nonce, the Chinese spy, and all my other great mates, by Prince Andrew

COME in! Welcome to my Royal household. Have you met everyone? This is Mr Epstein, this is a spy for China, and these are my other pals. Let me introduce you.

How to pull Kate Moss: A guide for divorced men in their 50s

KATE Moss is single and 50, and therefore the perfect match for divorced guys of a similar age. If you’ve carried a torch for Ms Moss since the 1990s, here’s how to finally woo her. 

We ask you: who could possibly have the talent to replace Gregg Wallace on MasterChef?

GREGG Wallace lit up our screens with his scowling, bullying demeanour but he can present no more. Who could ever hope to live up to him?

'You'll meet someone amazing': Classic boyfriend dumping techniques for Meghan to use on Harry

ARE Meghan and Harry splitting up? Who knows? Who cares? But if they are, here are some tried-and-tested phrases for dumping a male partner without feeling too bad about it.