A MAN looking back on a miserable adolescence ruined by bullies has come to the conclusion that, on balance, he probably deserved it.
Nathan Muir, aged 41, had always believed the teasing that dogged him through secondary school was uncalled for. However, after looking through a box of his teenage things stored in his mum’s attic, he has taken the bullies’ side.
Muir said: “It turns out I was an unbearable, self-righteous little twat with criminally bad taste and deserved every ounce of persecution I got.
“My diary made me want to punch my teenage self. It begins with a pompous treatise about how terrible ‘modern’ bands like Nirvana are, and how real musicians like ELO and Feargal Sharkey deserve more respect.
“And it goes on to complain that someone pinched my prefect badge and so, in retaliation, I reported them to the headmaster for ‘illegally’ smoking on the tennis courts.
“Now I understand why I didn’t lose my virginity until I was 26. The simple fact is that I was a dickhead.”
Nathan’s mum Mary said: “It’s sad when your child comes home from school crying because the other kids were ripping the piss out of him for playing the recorder to Grade 8 level.
“Half of me, of course, wanted to comfort him. The other half wanted to flush his head down the toilet for being such a f**king nerd.”
