Lifestyle

Six hospitalised in stampede caused by woman 'curious about vinyl'

A WOMAN who expressed mild curiousity about the benefits of vinyl is directly responsible for a stampede which crushed six, police have confirmed.

22 New Year resolutions that show you've hit a new low

WAS 2023 somehow, for you personally, the worst year of the decade so far? Have you resolved to turn things around? Are these your hopeless resolutions for 2024?

Woman getting ready for New Year's Eve party won't be done by midnight

A WOMAN getting ready to go to a New Year's Eve party is looking increasingly unlikely to be finished before midnight.

Couple still holding out for extravagant celebrity party with free bar

A COUPLE have refused to make any New Year’s Eve plans in the hope that they will be invited to a fabulous, star-studded party.

Ten festive things to try shoving up yourself this Christmas

BORED over the festive period? Also horny and transgressive? You can only penetrate yourself with these once a year.

Christmas a hard time of year for the lonely, the poor, the single, the married, the rich, the old, the young, the sick and the healthy, experts confirm

A STUDY has found that everybody is justified in finding this time of year a bit of a pain in the arse.

Lego opened, Lego built, Lego f**king boring

GIFTS of Lego have been opened, built and are now sitting there being as dull as shit.

Mum delighted by thoughtlessly expensive gift

A WOMAN is over the moon to have received a very expensive gift that is in no way personal to her.

Everyone only does a 'Friendsmas' once

PEOPLE only spend one Christmas with friends instead of family as it always ends in tears, arguments and alcohol poisoning, it has emerged.

A labradoodle instead of a donkey: The nativity if Mary and Joseph had been unbearably middle-class

IS it too much to ask for a nativity story that the financially comfortable can relate to? No. Let’s imagine the birth of Jesus if Mary and Joseph had arts degrees.