Lifestyle

CITY dwellers who relocated to the countryside for a quieter life find their friendly, helpful village neighbours an absolute pain in the backside.

A WOMAN is unable to sit backwards on a moving train for unspecified yet ominous reasons, it has emerged.

IN a jam and going nowhere fast? Here are five irrational acts that will have absolutely no f**king effect on your traffic situation.

TEENAGERS will try anything in a pathetic attempt at rebellion. And as everyone who went to school knows, even the dullest uniform can be used to prove you don’t give a f**k.

A WOMAN who knows that she is attractive has declared that she simply cannot understand why other women dislike her.

IN an act of heroic feminist allyship, a considerate man has kept his views to himself throughout a conversation about star signs.

A FAMILY’S Christmas lights switch-on has been performed by a father who has been up and down ladders untangling this shit all f**king day.

A TERRIFYING church with a flat roof is frequented by worshippers who look like they would shank you just to get a quid for the collection plate.

A COUPLE who paid hundreds of pounds for a photoshoot of their newborn are oblivious to the fact that it could be anyone’s baby.

YOUR daughter has finally deigned to come home for the weekend, only to act too good for spaghetti hoops in front of The Chase. Here’s how to impress her.