Politics

PRIME minister Gordon Brown has surprised Westminster by somehow managing to make the scandal over MPs' expenses even worse than it already was.

TOMORROW'S Budget is expected to include a £1 billion programme to build thousands of houses that no-one can afford to buy.

CHANCELLOR Alistair Darling last night admitted he is not even trying any more after pledging £15bn worth of 'efficiency savings'.

MINSTERS made up a load of lies to try and get Tory frontbencher Damian Green arrested, it has been claimed.

PRIME minister Gordon Brown was last night being urged to distance himself from himself.

THIS month's budget will be the first to be beamed into the House of Commons directly from the future, Gordon Brown has revealed.

HOME secretary Jacqui Smith has changed her name to 'Trixie Beaver', it was confirmed last night.

MPs are expected to claim thousands of pounds for the black markers they will use to censor their expenses claims, it emerged last night.

DIRTY bombs are nowhere near as dirty as some of the stuff you can get on cable, home secretary Jacqui Smith said last night.

GORDON Brown last night added the attack on the home of Sir Fred Goodwin to the list of things that are not his fault.