Politics

BORIS Johnson has confirmed that it is only a matter of time until he appears on I’m A Celebrity choking down crocodile dicks.

WANT to avoid a similar fate as Peter Bone and Crispin Blunt? Follow this handy guide for when you should keep your dick in your pants.

KEIR Starmer has quietly and modestly accepted his position as the poster boy of indifferent, apathetic change.

BRITAIN is seeking to convince the Conservative party their by-election losses mean they need a new leader, just to see what freak they get this time.

VOTERS in the mid-Bedfordshire by-election cannot find the box to tick which means Nadine Dorries becomes a Lady, which surely is what this was all about.

THE prime minister is similarly puzzled by the state of UK hospitals which are mysteriously underfunded and understaffed.

A PRETTY pass we’ve come to when dangling your penis and scrotal sac in an underling’s face is considered ‘abnormal’. This woke tyranny must be ended once and for all.

JEREMY Corbyn has admitted being back at Free Palestine rallies is like settling into a lovely warm bubble bath.

KEIR Starmer boringly removed his jacket and carried on with his speech after having glitter thrown at him yesterday. Which politicians would have responded with a bit more spunk?

KEIR Starmer is to suggest that around 90 per cent of Britain be demolished so it can be rebuilt properly.