Society

MARRYING a woman who shares your hopes and dreams is still nowhere near as good as Predator, according to a new survey.

A LARGE, terrifying dragon is threatening the magical kingdom of massive pensions where no-one ever gets fired.

THE BBC last night defended a new series that hopes to find the best new under 14 pole dancer in Britain.

IMMIGRANT workers have demanded government action after discovering Daily Mail journalists are receiving large salaries for the things they write.

BRITAIN'S internet heritage could be lost forever unless experts are able to archive websites such as hotsurreybitches and oglemysnatch.co.uk.

A SCOTTISH t-shirt expressing dislike of the England football team could cause morons to say things, experts have warned.

THE Royal Family are preparing to return to their home planet near Sirius, according to the Queen's astronomer.

JUST four months after thousands of people were wrong about Jan Moir, the social network Twitter was today filled with them being wrong again.

NOEL Edmonds' wife was being questioned by police last night over why she has failed to smother him in his sleep.

POOR people are having hours of glorious, acrobatic sex, unencumbered by the nuisance of condoms, it emerged last night.