Society

Staff at old people's home unsure how to decorate for Halloween

CARE home workers are struggling to decorate their premises for Halloween without reminding residents of their imminent demise, it has emerged.

My love language is wanting a f**king mortgage, woman admits

A WOMAN'S preferred attachment style is to help her pay off hundreds of thousands of pounds over 25 years, she has revealed.

Denial, bargaining, saying sod it and being late for work: The six stages of adjusting to the clocks going back

AN extra hour in bed is small consolation for the dreariness of standard time. These are the steps you will work through as you adjust to omnipresent darkness.

'Me again!' says returning migrant, making a little joke of it

THE migrant removed from Britain under the one-in-one-out scheme said ‘Guess who’s back!’ to border forces on his return, lightening the occasion with a little humour.

Prince Andrew's rent since 2003 vs your rent since 2003: a comparison

PRINCE Andrew has paid no monetary rent on the Royal Lodge since 2003, while you paid tens of thousands in rent for the same period. Who has the better deal?

The big Tesco: Seven Wonders of your Crap Hometown

EVERY unimpressive mid-sized town has features its defensive residents believe make it stand out, and they’re always the same seven things.

Penis size displayed on windscreen: Six other punitive measures for SUV drivers

CARDIFF plans to charge SUV drivers more to park, an idea that may be adopted elsewhere. But given the annoyance value of these vehicles, harsher measures are in order. Like these.

Old men in pub do not need words to express their love

TWO old men sitting in a pub in silence have explained that their personal bond is so strong it is unnecessary to ever have a conversation.

Schoolchildren watching laughably dated video made in 2004

A CLASS of GCSE schoolchildren are sniggering at an ancient educational video made back in the depths of 2004, they have confirmed.