Society

WAKING up with a hangover so excruciating I crave a head transplant, I pop an Alker-Seltzer and pray to any god who'll listen for relief.

AN irritating friend has once again steered a group's conversation towards an anecdote all about himself.

CRITICISING any of Britain's many, many flaws will see immigrants shipped off for sheer bloody ingratitude, the government has announced.

IT'S hard to believe, but not everyone likes you as much as you do. These are a few tell-tale signs people actually find you f**king irritating.

A NAIVE 18-year-old has decided to take a degree that will do nothing but deepen her understanding of the world and appreciation of the human experience.

Waking up with a hangover that's left my anus barking like a dog, I imbibe more water than a data centre to take the edge off.

A TEENAGER has convinced his parents that a grade 1 is the equivalent to an A* in the updated GCSE marking scheme.

A secondary school teacher could not care less what some kid they taught 20 years ago is up to these days.

A NEW survey has ranked all England’s towns by friendliness. But is it accurate? We visit the five towns lowest on the list to get told to go f**k ourselves.