Society

ANY bar, pub, coffee shop, sandwich shop or ordinary shop within 200 metres of a station is far more horrible than its distant counterparts.

FOUR months of teenage growth and Christmas overindulgence have turned a child into a weird, fast-growing freak, his mother has reported.

THE public has demanded a knighthood for Toby Jones, hero of ITV’s Mr Bates vs The Post Office, rather than the real Mr Bates the show was based on.

SIR Keir Starmer is responsible for pretty much every single crime that has ever happened. Here right-winger Roy Hobbs explains why.

THE Post Office has asked you to forget about how it destroyed hundreds of people's lives and focus on a fun new set of Spice Girls stamps instead.

WHAT trends can we expect in the new year, especially if you’re a gammon? Here Roy Hobbs takes a peek into the future and does not like what he sees. 

AS roads flood and you’re reminded of the only other Bible story you know, you reflect on what a logistical nightmare Noah’s Ark would be. These animals would have ruined it.

A DOG has politely asked to be given the receipt for an underwhelming gift.

YOU’VE been invited around for Christmas by your children, the meal is done and you’ve enjoyed a small sherry. Should you leave now, or stay until past 11pm?

DEAR Him/Her/They. Santa is currently undergoing awareness training, so I will making some alterations to your Christmas. Here are my substitutions.