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If I Won The Lottery...
Oh... let's think - Well, for a start I'd buy a nice big house in Surrey with an indoor swimming pool and a sauna. Six, maybe seven bedrooms. All en-suite of course. A big kitchen with an Aga and one of those huge American fridges. I'd get a nice car too. Maybe a Porsche Cayenne or a Lexus or one of those absolutely gigantic Volvos.
New Teeth For All, Pledge Lib Dems
EVERY Scot will be fitted with a new set of state-of-the-art acrylic teeth within the lifetime of the next parliament, the Lib Dems pledged today.
Three Year-Olds To Learn Klingon In Labour Manifesto Pledge
JACK McConnell unveiled Labour's Holyrood manifesto today with a commitment to improve the foreign language skills of Scotland's toddlers.
First-Time Buyers 'Excluded From Ferrari Market'
HIGH Ferrari prices are making it harder for young professionals to get their foot on the Italian supercar ladder, according to a new study.
Salmond: I'm Bigger Than Jesus Now
SNP leader Alex Salmond provoked religious fury last night after announcing he was now more popular than Jesus Christ.
Mcconnell To Campaign Dressed As Holly Hunter In 'The Piano'
FIRST minister Jack McConnell delighted Labour activists today by appearing at an election rally dressed as Holly Hunter in her Oscar-winning role in The Piano.
Heather Mills Mccartney Calls Press Conference To Announce She Is Not A Publicity Seeker
HEATHER Mills McCartney, estranged wife of little known songwriter Sir Paul McCartney, yesterday summoned the world’s media to a major press conference where she demanded they ignore her completely.
Foreign Office Has No Idea Who Foreign Secretary Is
AFTER months of speculation, civil servants at the Foreign Office have admitted that they do not know who the Foreign Secretary is.