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New Radio Station Will Be Non-Stop Drivel Promises BBC
THE BBC is to launch a new 24-hour radio station given over entirely to phone-ins from punters, promising round the clock burbling inanities and factual inaccuracy.
'Kidnap Me, Please' Says Skint British Soldier
A CASH-STRAPPED British soldier serving in Iraq has offered himself up for kidnap after pre-selling his post release interview rights to ITV.
Cillit Bang to run NHS
POWERFUL household cleaner Cillit Bang has been awarded a five year contract to run the National Health Service.
Nigerian Hell-Hole Safer Than Parkhead, Say Commonwealth Games Organisers
THE Commonwealth Games committee has given an early boost the Nigerian city of Abuja in its contest with Glasgow to host the 2012 event.
Tesco Announces Plans For A Store In Every Home
SUPERMARKET giant Tesco is to invest £300 billion in a major expansion plan which will see it build a mini-store attached to every home in Britain within the next five years.
Church Accepts Gay Adoption As Long As They're Not Flaming
LEADERS of the Roman Catholic and Anglican churches have agreed an historic deal with the government over adoption by gay couples .
Klan TV Launched As Racist Television War Hots Up
WITH one-in-three television programmes now classed as overtly racist, a new channel is being launched to cater for a growing market of bigoted lunatics.
If I Won The Lottery...
Oh... let's think - Well, for a start I'd buy a nice big house in Surrey with an indoor swimming pool and a sauna. Six, maybe seven bedrooms. All en-suite of course. A big kitchen with an Aga and one of those huge American fridges. I'd get a nice car too. Maybe a Porsche Cayenne or a Lexus or one of those absolutely gigantic Volvos.