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Men With Small Penises Mourn Spam King Arrest

MILLIONS of men with small penises and their wives were last night plunged into despair after the US announced it had arrested the so-called spam king of the internet. 

It's War!!! Salmond Builds 400 Mile Bridge To Attack Dutch

ALEX Salmond is to cancel plans for an Edinburgh tram system and use the money to build a 400 mile bridge from Scotland to Amsterdam.

'Cameron In Tebbit Shed Orgy' Says Tory Press Release

DAVID Cameron was last night forced to deny claims that he presided over elaborate sex games in the garden shed of former Tory chairman Lord Tebbit.

Big Brother Unveils 'All Idiot' House

THE latest series of Big Brother kicked off last night with the unveiling of a house made up exclusively of idiots and half-wits.

Prince Philip Eats Two Cats And A Badger

PRINCE Philip has answered critics of his participation in a fox hunt by eating two cats and a badger.

God Tells Britney To Sod Off

GOD last night said he would pretend to be out after troubled singer Britney Spears revealed she “could not wait to meet Him”. 

Blair Tells Gaddaffi: Salmond Is A Dick

TONY Blair and the Libyan dictator Colonel Gaddafi yesterday reached an historic agreement over the fact that Alex Salmond is a dick.

Google Launch Own-Brand Sausage

GOOGLE is to launch its own brand of sausages after it emerged that the most frequently asked question by internet users is "what sausage shall I eat today?"