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'Flash! Flash! I Love You! But We've Only Got 14 Hours To Save Dobbies From Tom Hunter!'
DOBBIES the garden centre was in mortal danger last night after the launch of a hostile takeover by Emperor Tom Hunter of the Planet Mongo.
'Stop Being Ill', Demand Doctors
DOCTORS have better things to do than treat ill people, according to a new report from the British Medical Association.
More Young Professionals Forced To Live In Balloons
WITH house prices now more than 400 times the average salary, more and more young people are being forced to live in hot air ballons, according to new research.
Rowling To Write Eighth Harry Potter Book After All
JK ROWLING has revealed she is to write an eighth Harry Potter book after all, although the best selling author says she is through with “all that fantasy pish”.
Bob Marley 'Not Killed By Wizards', Admit Jamaican Police
POLICE in Jamaica have closed their 26-year investigation into the death of Bob Marley and admitted the reggae superstar was not murdered by wizards.
BAE In 'Arms For Cash' Scandal
BAE Systems' ethical reputation i under fresh scrutiny after a Daily Mash investigation revealed the company is deeply involved in the international arms trade.
It's War!!! Dutch Intercept Sporran Convoy
SCOTLAND'S invasion of Holland has been postponed indefinitely after the Dutch Navy seized a consignment of 25,000 Scottish infantry sporrans.
Blair Announces Plans For Beard
PRIME minister Tony Blair has outlined his plans for a full beard when he leaves office at the end of this month.