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Brown To Appoint Milburn As 'Cabinet Enemy'

GORDON Brown will appoint Alan Milburn as his official Enemy in Cabinet when he takes over as Prime Minister next week.

'Go To Work On An Egg' Advert Banned For Safety Reasons

THE Health and Safety Executive has vetoed the classic 'Go to Work on an Egg' commercial amid fears commuters could injure themselves while trying to sit on their breakfast.

Ministers Unveil Plans For 'Road' Between Edinburgh And Glasgow

SCOTLAND'S transport system is to be revolutionised with the construction of the first 'road' between Scotland's two major cities.

Satanic Verses Sends Suicide Bomber To Sleep

A WOULD-BE British suicide bomber failed to blow himself up after he fell asleep on the train while reading Sir Salman Rushdie’s The Satanic Verses, it has emerged.


BBC To Stop Portraying Tories As Demented Perverts

THE BBC has responded to claims of liberal bias with a pledge to stop portraying senior Tory MPs as homicidal deviants.

Chris Martin To Write Song About Tits

COLDPLAY frontman Chris Martin has delighted his army of fans by confirming he is to write a song all about tits.

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