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RMT Using Tube Tunnels To Rehearse 'The Mikado'
LONDON tube drivers are using strike action as a cover so they can stage last-minute rehearsals of their new production of The Mikado.
Drinks Companies To Throw Lager Into School Playgrounds
DRINKS manufacturers will start lobbing cans of lager over school gates if alcohol adverts are banned before the 9pm watershed, the Daily Mash has learned.
All Parents Killing Their Children Say Government
EVERY parent in Britain is to be charged with the attempted murder of their own offspring under the latest Government proposals to combat child obesity.
Tories Pledge To Make Themselves Utterly Pointless
GORDON Brown will remain prime minister if the Conservatives win the next election, as the party launches a new campaign to make itself completely and utterly pointless.
Pit Bulls Smuggled Into UK Dressed As Ugly Babies
ILLEGAL American pit bull terriers are being smuggled into Britain disguised as incredibly ugly children, according to customs officials.
A Prayer For Diana, Princess Of Wales
by Rowan Williams, Archbishop of Canterbury
Diana: B&Q Opens Book Of Indifference
BOOKS of Indifference were opened at B&Q branches across the country today for men who could not a give a monkeys about the 10th anniversary of the death of Diana, Princess of Wales.
BAA To Reduce Check-In Times By Firing Everyone
BAA has unveiled a radical plan to improve the efficiency of Britain's major airports by firing all of its staff.