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Die At Your Desks, Demands CBI
PEOPLE should be happy to die at their desks rather than take time off to see the doctor during office hours, the Confederation of British Industry said last night.
Darling To Guarantee All Bets On The 3.50 At Lingfield
CHANCELLOR Alistair Darling has agreed to cover all bets at this afternoon's EBF Maiden Stakes and is tipping the Irish two year-old, General Ting.
France Warns Of War With Iran Not Involving France
THE rest of the world could soon be embroiled in a war with Iran, the French foreign minister has warned.
Opal Fruits Count Towards Five-A-Day, Confirm Experts
DIETARY experts have moved to end confusion over healthy eating by confirming that a packet of Opal Fruits does count towards the five-a-day target.
Northern Rock Hands Out Staff To Customers
NORTHERN Rock customers were queuing around the block today after the stricken bank said they could take home a receptionist if they left their money in their accounts.
Thatcher Wanders Into No.10 Broom Cupboard
FORMER Prime Minister Baroness Thatcher made a nostalgic return to Downing Street yesterday, spending 45 minutes in the first floor broom cupboard.
Christians Prepare For Rapture As House Prices Dip
TUMBLING house prices and the bail out of the Northern Rock will lead to the resurrection of the dead, Armageddon and the beginning of the End Times, leading Christians confirmed today.