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Brown Opts For Autumn Erection
PRIME Minister Gordon Brown has instructed senior aides to begin preparations for an erection on 25 October.
Gayness Causes Chafing, Says Archbishop
HOMOSEXUALITY is not a disease but it can be a terrible cause of chafing, the Archbishop of Canterbury announced last night.
One Woman's Week: Prole Model
By Karen Fenessey
THIS week, I have gained a glimpse into the disturbing mess that fills up the minds of today’s youth. My investigative senses were pricked by a discovery in the school computer lab which thrust me into the distasteful world of eating disorders, such as bulimia. I can’t even begin to imagine what kind of pointy, jabby little women with downy coats of body hair will grow out of the morons who make up the female contingent of our school’s P7s.
Balls Calls For Return To Old-Fashioned Bullying
THE Government is demanding a return to traditional methods of bullying after an upsurge in the use of mobile phones to exchange threats and insults.
Sir Ming Tells Leadership Critics To Speak Up
LIB Dem leader Sir Ming Campbell has challenged his leadership critics to an open debate as long as they promise to speak loudly and clearly.
Blue Peter Viewers Wanted To Name Cat 'Pisswizard'
THE BBC has apologised to Blue Peter viewers after fixing the results of its latest 24-hour cat-naming phone-in poll.
People Not Utter Morons, Suggests Report
ALMOST all Britons are not witless baboons incapable of managing their own affairs, a new report claims today.