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Brown Pees Pants
THE Prime Minster Gordon Brown has peed in his pants, Downing Street announced last night.
Organ Swapping Parties Sweep Suburbia
SUBURBAN Britain is being swept by a kinky new craze for organ swapping, the Daily Mash can reveal.
Ritz Hotel Was Hoovered The Night Diana Died
THE Ritz Hotel in Paris was being hoovered less than an hour before Princess Diana died, according to dramatic video footage.
Guest Blog: Chris Moyles
GETTING up at some horrible time of the day to do the show is rubbish, especially when you’ve been out on the pop all night. Last night was no exception – blimey, if I had a quid for every pint I drank, I’d be even richer than the rich man I already am (thanks licence payers!). It was a pretty heavy session - I was hanging out with a few pals of mine, you know, Pete Doherty – lovely bloke, Kate Moss – top lass, and some hangers on from Big Brother.
Drinking Boiled Twigs Will Not Cure Cancer, Say Docs
BOILING up a bag of foul smelling old twigs sold to you by a man who has no medical knowledge will not cure you of cancer, a shock new report claims today.
I Will Now Memorise The Bible, Declares The Great Camerooni
IN a prodigious display of intellectual acrobatics, the likes of which is rarely seen outside the Orient, the Great Camerooni will memorise and recite the King James Bible from Genesis to Revelation.
Brain Cleaning 'Next Big Thing' For Busy Profesionals
BUSY professionals can now get their brains cleaned at their desks under a new mind-valet service launched yesterday by Rentokil.