the dailymash

Gore Film Is 'Inconvenient Bollocks' Says Judge

AL Gore’s climate change film An Inconvenient Truth is actually bollocks, a High Court judge ruled yesterday. 

Prince William To Ask RAF And Navy What They Do

PRINCE William is to spend three years asking junior members of the armed forces what it is they do.

'My Tate Crack Hell'

A TOURIST who spent 53 hours trapped inside the huge crack in the floor of the Tate Gallery has described the moment he knew he wanted to die.

'I Was There'

Great Moments in Sport, no. 87: Joe Pesci remembers the 2003 London Marathon

I HAD the privilege of witnessing my first London Marathon a few years ago when some business associates and myself were in town to take care of this thing. To many, this fucking global event conjures up images of thousands of deadbeats running 26 miles dressed as fucking turkeys in order to raise awareness for retards with learning difficulties.

Footballers Spent Nurse Cash On Emergency Supercars

PREMIERSHIP footballers who pledged to donate a day's wages to a nurses' campaign have instead spent the money on some more cars, it has emerged.

Half Of All Young Tories Are Victims Of Policy Theft, Says Charity

MORE than 50% all young Tories have had their policies stolen off them by a pair of gruff Scotsmen, research by the Howard League for Penal Reform suggests.

Everyone In Public Life Now An Untrustworthy Bastard

ALL people in positions of responsibility are untrustworthy pieces of shit who have made it their life's mission to shaft you, according to new research.

Diana Inquest: Jury Inspects Toilet Where Princess Had Final Movement

THE Diana inquest jury was last night taken to the bathroom of the Ritz Hotel in Paris to see where the Princess enjoyed her final bowel movement.