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Ant And Dec Sweep Board At Common People's TV Awards
GEORDIE simians Anthony and Declan were the chief recipients at last night's Common People's Television Awards.
Leave bacon out of this, health experts warned
HEALTH experts have been issued with a 'final warning' after advising consumers to give up bacon.
How Much For Your Woman, Abdullah Asks Philip
SAUDI Arabia's King Abdullah was last night locked in talks with Prince Philip over how much he would be willing to accept for Her Majesty the Queen.
Dollar Now Nancy Boy Of International Currencies
THE US dollar is now the nancy boy of the international money markets and the gayest currency in the world.
It's the beheadings I miss the most, says homesick Saudi King
KING Abdullah of Saudi Arabia has revealed that he hates to travel because he misses the daily beheadings in the courtyard of his solid gold palace.
Oil Price Rise Caused By Pixies
THE global surge in the price of oil has been blamed on pixies, sprites and their gang of magical woodland friends.
Gap Appalled At Quality Of Child Stitching
FASHION chain Gap has rejected an entire shipload of chinos produced by children in India saying the quality of the workmanship was “atrocious”.
Royals Blackmailed Over 'Deformed Prince Under The Stairs'
THE Royal Family is being blackmailed over claims they have been keeping a deformed prince in a cupboard under the stairs.