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Airlines Misled Public By Claiming Flights Would Not Be Filled With Bastards
AIRLINES have been accused of misleading the public after claiming short-haul flights would not be full to the brim with fat, slow, noisy bastards.
Alcohol Is A Corrupting Influence On The Poor, Insists Ladies Temperance League
THE drinking of alcoholic liquer prevents the poor from carrying out their duties and if left unchecked will hasten the demise of the Empire, the Ladies Temperance League has warned.
Eat A Badger This Christmas, Urges Government
WITH Britain's turkey population teetering on the brink of a flu-ridden crisis, the public is being urged to eat a badger this Christmas.
Wayne Rooney's Wine Cellar A Poof, Say City Fans
THE wine cellar of Manchester United striker Wayne Rooney is such a total poof, according to rival supporters.
Cameron Hires Aitken As Dishonesty Coach
TORY leader David Cameron has enlisted one of the party's most senior ex-convicts in his bid to become a more effective liar.
Life Under Mugabe Better Than Life Under Harry, Says Chelsy
FORMER Royal girlfriend Chelsy Davy is to return to Zimbabwe rather than spend another minute underneath Prince Harry, friends said last night.
Northern Rock? I Shit 'Em
By Mervyn King, Governor of the Bank of England
NORTHERN Rock? Knob-gobblers, more like. That bucket-fanny chairman turns up at my gaffe, pin-striped, watch chain, Saville-fuckin'-Row. Says “Merv, I’m out of my depth, need 30 bills for a bail or we are getting arse-banged by the regulator and, by the way, so are you.” Cock-swiveller.
Met Chief Refuses To Resign After Setting Fire To A Tramp
METROPOLITAN Police Commissioner Sir Ian Blair has refused to resign despite setting fire to a tramp in central London.