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EU To Ask Women When They First Sat On A Washing Machine
CITIZENS across the European Union are to be asked a series of intimate sexual questions including when they first discovered the joys of vibration.
Darling Sends 25 Million Bank Records To Nigerian Doctor
CHANCELLOR Alistair Darling has admitted sending millions of bank account details to a Nigerian doctor who contacted him earlier this week.
Churches Condemn Plan For Giant Lesbians
BRITAIN'S most senior clergymen last night condemned plans to use IVF technology to create gigantic lesbians in test tubes.
Brown Orders Nation To Bottle Farts
GORDON Brown has escalated the war on climate change after branding the plastic bag, 'the carrier of choice' for Al Qaeda and paedophiles.
Queen And Prince Philip Celebrate 60 Years Of Racial Epithets
THE Queen has paid tribute to her husband as one of Britain's most accomplished post-war racists.
Brazilians To Be Shaved By Government
THE Government is to introduce new regulations governing the size of the Brazilian wax amid mounting fears that the nation’s pubic hair is spiralling out of control.
Brown Vows To End Wii Postcode Lottery
GORDON Brown has taken personal charge of the escalating Nintendo Wii crisis which could force millions of British children to play outdoors with real friends this Christmas.
Flapping Your Gums All Day Is Not Exercise, Women Told
EXERCISE rates among women have plummeted after doctors said talking and talking and talking all bloody day no longer counts.