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Cancer-Proof Mouse Won't Stop Smoking
A LABORATORY bred mouse which is immune to cancer will not stop smoking and has become ‘a nightmare to live with’, researchers say.
Jamie Oliver Chicken Recipe Wins 'Bad Sex' Award
JAMIE Oliver's recipe for free-range chicken roasted with garlic and chestnuts has won this year's 'bad sex' book award.
Mitsubishi In Global Arse Recall
MILLIONS of arses manufactured by the industrial giant Mitsubishi are being recalled after a series of catastrophic bottom failures, it emerged last night.
Beleaguered Brown Mired In 'Whatabunchoflyingbastardsgate'
GORDON Brown last night ordered a full inquiry into when he became prime minister as close allies admitted the Labour leader now carried the 'unmistakeable stench of death'.
Tate Crack Filled With Junkie Borrowers
THE huge crack in the middle of the Tate Gallery has become a seedy hangout for tiny, drug-abusing Borrowers, the Daily Mash has learned.
Muslim Teddy Bear Has Paws Chopped Off
SUDAN was facing international sanctions last night after hacking off the little paws of a three year-old teddy bear.
BNP Abandons Racism After Oxford Debate
THE far-right British National Party is to abandon racism after listening carefully to the opposing arguments during last night’s Oxford Union debate.
We're Inside Your iPod, Confirms MI5
BRITAIN'S security services have implanted a chip in every iPod and now have detailed records of everyone's taste in music, MI5 agents told Radio 1 last night.