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'Genius' Chimps Spend All Day Throwing Shit
GENIUS chimps who beat students in an intelligence test still spend most of their day throwing shit at each other, scientists confirmed last night.
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Britain's Oldest Cat 'Hates Asians'
BRITAIN'S oldest cat hates Asians and thinks the Siamese are all 'bi-sexual scroungers', it emerged last night.
Teddy Row Teacher Calls Dirt-Box 'Jesus'
TEDDY row teacher Gillian Gibbons is a serial blasphemer who refers to her back-passage as 'Jesus', the Daily Mash can reveal.
BBC Responds To Huge Demand For Piece-Of-Shit Australian Soap-Opera
THE BBC has responded to huge public demand by spending £50m of license payers money on a piece-of-shit soap opera set in Australia.
'Buy Me A Caravan Or I'll Steal One' Brown Tells Taxpayers
GORDON Brown wants taxpayers to buy him a new caravan otherwise he will be forced to steal one, Downing Street said last night.
Product Red Raises Millions For Apple, Motorola And Hallmark
PRODUCT Red, the brand founded by U2 frontman Bono, has raised $50 million to help fight Porsche shortages among executives at Apple, Armani, Motorola, Gap and Hallmark.
