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Queen Showed Me Her Swastika Tattoo, Claims Burrell

THE Queen carries a Swastika tattoo on her wrist and believes Zionists control the Post Office, Princess Diana's butler revealed yesterday.

Benitez's Desk Moved Into Car Park

THE desk of Liverpool manager Rafael Benitez has been moved into the car park as a ‘precautionary measure’, the club confirmed last night.

Banks To Replace Charges With Fees

BANKS are to replace charges with fees in a major shake-up of ripping people off.

Nicole Richie's Baby Heavier Than Her

SIMPLE Life superstar Nicole Richie has given birth to a baby girl almost four pounds heavier then she is.

Everyone To Be Fitted With A Zip

EVERYONE is to be fitted with a zip as part of Gordon Brown’s plan to nationalise Britain’s kidneys.

Hain Unaware He Had Been Given A Bentley

PETER Hain, the work and pensions secretary, last night insisted he was too busy to notice that he had been given a £100,000 luxury supercar.

India Unveils World's Shittest Car

TATA, the Indian car giant, yesterday unveiled what it claims is the world's shittest mode of transport.

Most Men Still Addicted To Sex With Themselves, Say Docs

THE number of men addicted to sex with themselves is just about the same as it has always been, a new study reveals.