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MPs Banned From Paying Their Children To Live In Fulham

MPs are to be banned from paying their children £40,000 a year to live in Fulham under new Parliamentary regulations. 

Socgen Offers 0% On Balance Transfers Up To €50 Billion

SÓCÍÉTÉ Générálé is launching a new card offering six months interest-free credit on balance transfers of up to €50 billion. 

Davos Celebrates Another Year Of Frantic Masturbation

THE small Swiss town of Davos was last night celebrating another successful year of A-grade horseshit and frenzied wanking.

Man City Players Love Chasing Sticks, Says Eriksson

MANCHESTER City manager Sven Goran Eriksson has revealed his players love to chase after sticks and are easily distracted by bright lights.

French Trader Was Forced To Work 30 Hours A Week

FRIENDS of rogue trader Jerome Kerviel last night blamed his $7 billion losses on unbearable levels of stress brought on by a punishing 30 hour week.

Hain Backs Massive Police Pay Rise

FORMER cabinet minister Peter Hain has broken ranks with his Labour colleagues and backed a massive pay increase for police officers.

Home Office Hails Sharp Drop In Spoon Crime

HOME secretary Jacqui Smith last night insisted the government was making Britain a safer place after another big fall in spoon-related crime. 

Britain Loves Orgasms

BRITAIN loves having orgasms and is currently enjoying the most intense and sustained feelings of genital pleasure since records began.