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Guest Blog: Jeremy Kyle
MY new prime-time show, Jeremy Kyle Tells You To Shut It, airs tonight, and the first episode is an absolute corker. A woman who'd lost her entire family in a multiple car wreck was sitting in the chair, moaning and groaning about her lot in life, which I know was pissing the audience off no end. So I hit her over the head with my rolled-up script.
'What The F*ck Is Wrong With That Gerbil?' Ask Zoologists
A NEW species of mammal, described as a 'weird-looking gerbily thing with a massive conk', has been discovered in the mountains of Tanzania.
Pensioner Sex Is Dirty And Wrong, Say Docs
DIRTY pensioners are having sex even though the thought of their naked bodies is so revolting it makes normal people sick, doctors warned last night.
Your Baby Is Not As Pathetic As You, Say Experts
WORRIED parents are being urged not to automatically assume that their baby is as pathetic and ill-informed as they are.
DSS To Fund Liverpool Take-Over
LIVERPOOL fans have launched a bid buy their beloved football club, backed by millions of pounds from the Department of Social Security.
NHS To Replace Homeopathy With Medicine
THE NHS is to replace homeopathy with medicine after realising that a wet tea bag applied to the buttocks will not cure cancer.
Ryanair Ad Banned By Offwrist
AN advert featuring a grown woman in a short skirt has been banned by Britain's masturbation fantasy regulator.