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Archbishop Of Canterbury Loses Mind
THE Church of England was under temporary management last night after the Archbishop of Canterbury lost his mind during an interview with the BBC.
Leave It To The Scooby Doo Gang, Says Top Cop
POLICE officers are good at hitting people in the mouth with truncheons but should leave catching criminals to the kids from Scooby Doo, a top policeman said last night.
Energy Companies All Back Same Horse In 3.50 At Lingfield
BRITAIN’S biggest energy companies last night expressed surprise after they all bet on the same horse to win yesterday’s Betfredbingo Novices Handicap Chase at Lingfield.
What's Wrong With Toasties? Un Asks Rat-Eating Thai Freaks
THE UN secretary general has written to the prime minister of Thailand asking why they don't just eat toasted sandwiches.
Army To Stop Firing Goats Into Walls
THE British Army is to phase out the practice of firing goats into walls, the Ministry of Defence announced last night.
BBC To Replace Grange Hill With Confusing Japanese Cartoon
IT was essential viewing for 16 generations of British children and launched the careers of Letitia Dean, Todd Carty and the girl who played Trisha Yates.
Ebay Hands Blank Cheque To Annoying Pricks
MILLIONS of annoying pricks were celebrating last night after eBay gave them the go-ahead fill the online auction site with petty, ill-founded complaints.
Designer Unveils Hypersonic Invisibility Boots
A BRITISH designer has unveiled plans for a pair of hypersonic boots which will enable the wearer to walk from Europe to Australia in less than 10 seconds while remaining totally invisible.
- Capello Tells England Players To Stop Being So Bad At Football
- For Christ's Sake Don't Behave Like British People, Immigrants Told
- 'Any Chance Of You Working For Five Minutes?' GPs Asked
- 'Oi, Manuel! A Bit Less Racism And A Bit More Service, If You Don't Mind'
- High Heels Attract Premature Ejaculating Foot Fetishists