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Vicar Defiant Over Foul-Mouthed Order Of Service
A RURAL vicar who littered an order of service with gratuitous swearing and foul-mouthed insults has said he would do it again.
Use Coma Patients As Draught Excluders, Says Minister
COMA patients should not be signed off sick as they can perform light tasks such as draught exclusion, the health minister Alan Johnson has announced.
Housewives Demand £20 An Hour For Eating Jaffa Cakes And Watching 'Trisha'
BRITAIN'S housewives would earn the equivalent of £30,000 a year if someone paid them to eat Jaffa Cakes all day, according to new research.
Number Of BBC Presenters In Jail Reaches Five Year High
THE number of BBC presenters in prison has reached a five-year high after Radio 1 DJ Groovewhittler was jailed for a second offence of dog frottage.
Would-Be Saints Must Have Virgin Mary's Mobile Number, Says Vatican
CANDIDATES for sainthood will have to meet more demanding criteria, including regular contact with the Virgin Mary, either via mobile phone or email.
'Ich Bin Nicht Ein Nazi' Says Philip
PRINCE Philip has denied claims he is a Nazi, insisting his passionate racism is merely a hobby.
Fat Nigel From Eastenders Leads Eurovision Charge
EX-EASTENDERS character Nigel Bates is among the early favourites to represent the UK in this year's Eurovision Song Contest.
Diana Was Spiderman, Claims Al Fayed
PRINCESS Diana led a secret life as a super-hero who was able to scale buildings and shoot a web-like material from her wrist, Harrods owner Mohamed Al Fayed claimed today.