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Wheat Price Increase Foretells Great Doom
THE price of a bushel of wheat rose yet again in the markets of Flanders yesterday presaging a monstrous tribulation and a grave rise in the price of mead, the Lord High Guardian of the King's Purse has warned.
Prisoners To Be Sodomised In Bid To Cut CO2
MALE prisoners are to return to the predatory sexual hell of communal showers, in a bid to help the government reduce CO2.
'I Did Not Have Sexual Relations With That Turban' Claims Obama
DEMOCRATIC frontrunner Barak Obama has been forced to deny claims he had sex with a turban during a visit to Africa.
All New Homes To Smell Of Toffee And Urine
ALL new homes will be made from boiled sweets and smell of piss and chopped pork, to ensure they are suitable for the elderly, the government said last night.
Children Admit To Being Little Shits
MORE than 90% of British children are unbearable little shits, according to new research.
Millionaires Give Each Other Awards For Dressing Up
IT is the biggest, most glamorous night of the year. It is the night when millionaires give each other awards for dressing up and pretending to be someone else.
Jailed Saudi Men Blame Burqa Wearing Cock-Tease
A GROUP of Saudi men jailed for flirting have claimed they were driven to it by a provocatively dressed woman who flashed the bridge of her nose at them.
French Scientists In Flubber Breakthrough
A TEAM of French scientists is claiming a major breakthrough in the development of a useable type of flubber.