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Hedge Funds Now Most Important Thing People Know Nothing About

HEDGE funds have overtaken the Big Bang as the most important thing people know nothing about.

Ant Colonies Just Like 'Dallas', Say Experts

ANT colonies are not harmoniously run communes but large sprawling ranches in Texas rife with infighting and extra-marital affairs, new research reveals.

Tiny Island People Were Ewoks, Not Hobbits, Say Scientists

THE tiny human-like bones found on a South Pacific Island may have belonged to small furry creatures known as 'Ewoks', and not Hobbits as previously thought.

Gladiators A Big Hit With Monkey Test Audience

THE new series of Gladiators has been given the green light after Britain's captive monkey population gave it a non-opposable thumbs-up.

Britain Gives Up Food For Booze

MILLIONS of people across Britain last night vowed to give up food instead of alcohol, after the government forced them to choose.

Budget Live!

ALISTAIR Darling has been described as 'the worst chancellor since the invention of numbers'. The pressure is on, but can he pull a rabbit out of his battered red hat? If so, will he then lose the rabbit? Or will the rabbit be appointed to the board of Northern Rock? And is this so-called rabbit domiciled in this country or not? Ladies and gentleman, all the way from Downing Street in London's fashionable West End,  we give you THE BUDGET!

Budget Boost For Headless Horsemen

CHANCELLOR Alistair Darling is today expected to throw a budget lifeline to Britain's hard-pressed headless horsemen.

Summer Floods Caused By Water, Say Experts

LAST year's summer floods were a freak event caused by a lot of water, a new scientific report has revealed.