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Hybrid Embryo Escapes From North East Lab

BRITAIN'S first hybrid embryo was on the run last night after escaping from its laboratory cage.

I Love It When A Plan Comes Together

By HRH the Duke of Edinburgh

IT was with a small measure of relief and not a little satisfaction that I heard the coroner declare The Arab's allegations to be entirely without substance. In the end it has all come together so beautifully, has it not?

Experts close to discovering secret pointlessness of Stonehenge

SCIENTISTS have started a fresh excavation at Stonehenge in the hope of confirming, once and for all, the ancient monument's complete and utter pointlessness.

Spacey To Host 'I Am Keyser Soze' On BBC1

ACTOR Kevin Spacey is to celebrate one of his most famous roles by hosting BBC1's latest amateur talent show, I am Keyser Soze.

Exotic Japanese Girlfriend Wants Vauxhall Zafira

AROUND 63% of exotic Japanese girlfriends wear old socks in bed and insist their boyfriends buy a Vauxhall Zafira or Ford Focus C-Max, new research shows. 

Mugabe Must Go, Say Ricky And Bianca

ROBERT Mugabe no longer commands the support of the Zimbabwean people and must resign from office, Ricky and Bianca said last night.

Britain Strikes Gold In Sport No-One Watches

BRITAIN was riding the crest of a wave of victory last night after repeatedly striking gold in one of those sports that nobody ever watches.

Banks Use Man-Eating Tigers To Deter New Borrowers

BRITAIN'S leading mortgage lenders are to deter new customers with a range of tactics including man-eating tigers and a huge Arab warrior armed with a mighty sword.