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Concern Grows As Spears Takes Three Attempts To Reverse Into Parking Space
FRIENDS of Britney Spears last night spoke of their growing concern for the pop princess after she took three attempts to reverse park her car.
Wenger Refuses To Brand Referees A Bunch Of Man Utd Loving Bastards
ARSENAL manager Arsene Wenger last night refused to condemn referees as a collection of bastards who would do anything to help Manchester United win the league.
'E-Numbers Make My Children Hilarious'
PARENTS across Britain have reacted angrily to the European ban on food colourings, claiming artificial ingredients make their children funnier and more interesting.
Go And Tidy Your Room, Say Scientists
STOP that right now and go and tidy your room this instant, leading scientists said last night.
Everything We Sell Is A Cake, Claims M&S
MARKS and Spencer has launched a legal challenge against the Inland Revenue, claiming that every one of its 25,000 products is a cake.
BBC Shut Down After Programme About Big, Fat Cocks
THE BBC has been shut down temporarily after complaints about a documentary featuring dozens of big, fat cocks.
Evan Davis To Interview Gordon Brown In The Bath
NEW Today presenter Evan Davis is to interview Gordon Brown next week, as both share a relaxing, honey-scented bath.
Most NHS Staff Happy To Watch You Die
MOST NHS doctors and nurses are happy for you to choke on a biscuit while they play cards and watch videos, according to a new staff survey.