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Carla Bruni To Be The New Face Of Ginsters
CARLA Bruni, the incredibly hot wife of French President Nicolas Sarkozy, is to be the new face of Ginsters savoury treats.
Elvis Tried To Eat My Mum, Claims Tommy Steele
ELVIS Presley made a secret visit to Britain during which he tried to eat the elderly mother of British singing star Tommy Steele, it was revealed last night.
Olympic Budget Did Not Include £8 Billion For PR Bullshit
THE original budget for the London Olympics failed to include more than £8 billion for pointless leaflets that will go straight in the bin, MPs said last night.
Women Find It Harder To Quit Smoking During Periods, Says Insensitive Prick
WOMEN stand a greater chance of giving up smoking if they quit before their period starts, according to some ignorant bastard who can just fuck off and die.
Four Out Of 10 Staff May Do Some Work This Year
FOUR out of 10 office staff are thinking about doing a bit of work at some point this year, a new study reveals.
Darling Tells Idiots To Help Themselves
CHANCELLOR Alistair Darling has this morning opened the vaults at the Bank of England and urged Britain's idiots to help themselves.
One Woman's Week: Three Cheers For China
By Karen Fenessey
To be honest, I couldn’t really care less about what the shaven monks of Tibet are banging on about. They claim they’ve been oppressed in the past, but, even if this were true, it is still shocking sportsmanship to let that get in the way of such an esteemed event as the Olympics.
Bulimia Not The Same As Being A Greedy Bastard, Say Doctors
DOCTORS last night attempted to end of confusion over the symptoms of bulimia, stressing it was not the same as being a big, greedy bastard.