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ITV Fined £6m For Ant & Dec
ITV was last night fined a record £6m for Ant and Dec.
Government To Reclassify Very Strong Tea
STRONG tea is to be reclassified as a category B drug, home secretary Jacqui Smith announced last night.
Capello Picks Gerrard To Miss Crucial World Cup Penalty
FABIO Capello has picked Steven Gerrard as the man who will miss England's crucial World Cup semi-final penalty in 2010.
Johnson Bans Scotsmen From The Tube
BORIS Johnson is to ban Scotsmen from the London Underground in a bid to make the Tube more bearable for everyone else.
Wendy Alexander Goes To Toilet By Herself
THE Scottish Labour leader Wendy Alexander was celebrating last night after going to the toilet all by herself.
Fat Guys Told To Put Their Tits Away
FAT men are being urged not to bare their breasts in public this summer, as it emerged they were not attractive to women after all.
I'm Drunk Right Now, Say 80% Of Workers
MORE than three-quarters of all office workers are either drunk or drinking at their desks right now, according to a new report.
Puppies!
THESE puppies are absolutely adorable, it was confirmed last night.