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Giant Laser Used To Draw Cock On The Moon
SCIENTISTS who invented the world's most powerful laser have used it to draw a giant penis on the front of the moon.
MI5 Agents Demand Pay Increase
BRITAIN'S spies are demanding a 25% pay increase to prevent their wives having to work as whores.
Without Me You're Nothing, Queen Tells Happy Couple
THE Queen has told newly married grandson Peter Philips to hand over at least 10% of his £500,000 fee from Hello! magazine.
We Just Want Closure, Says Family Of Murdered Coconut
THE family of a murdered coconut last night urged the police to do everything in their power to catch their son's killer.
Your Astrological Week Ahead
WITH PSYCHIC BOB
Gemini (21 MAY-20 JUN)
Just when you think you've got her all figured out, your girlfriend surprises you with a hidden talent you didn't know she had. Shame she’s doing it to your best friend. It looks fun!
Guest Blog: Cherie Blair
'IF I catch you stuffing food into that pouchy slab of a face once more, I'm going to twat you one' would've been the first words I'd have uttered to John Prescott if I was the counsellor treating him for bulimia - but there again I know how to speak to him, I know it's the only way he’ll listen: you want to know why I know this? It's because as a high-flying QC, best-selling writer and last-but-not least, mother of four children – I've learnt to trust my instincts.
Rangers Now The England Of Scotland
RANGERS are the England of Scotland, it was claimed last night.
Girly Crime Up By 50%
GIRLY crime was up by more than 50% last year, including a sharp rise in thefts of those darling little Mini Cooper convertibles.