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Offended Pikeys Steal Brundle’s Car
A GANG of upset tinks has stolen Martin Brundle’s car after the Formula One commentator called them ‘pikeys’ on national television.
Taliban In Retreat From Nancy Boy Actors
TALIBAN forces in southern Afghanistan were in retreat last night after a fresh offensive by Britain's nancy boy actors.
Alcohol Cravings Reduced By Alcohol, Says Alcoholic
CRAVINGS for alcohol are best reduced by alcohol, alcoholics said last night.
Drivers Urged To Panic
DRIVERS were last night urged to go apeshit crazy, as everything went tits up.
Britain Picks Out New Handcart
BRITAIN will today pick out a nice, new handcart as it completes its preparations for the journey to Hell.
Van Nistelrooy To Spend Euro 2008 On Goal-Line
DUTCH striker Ruud van Nisterlooy is to spend the rest of Euro 2008 standing on the opposition goal-line.
Apple To Fool Public For 207th Time
APPLE boss Steve Jobs last night unveiled the new iPhone, insisting there was 'no way' he would launch a better and cheaper version in three months time.
Tesco Nails Chicken To River Cottage Door
SUPERMARKET giant Tesco has stepped up its campaign against TV chef Hugh Fearnley-Whttingstall by nailing a live chicken to the door of River Cottage.