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Gay Men And Straight Women Both Like Cock, Says Study

THE brains of gay men and straight women are very similar, particularly their love of cocks, experts said last night.

Government To Appoint Bullshit Tsar

THE government is to appoint a powerful new 'czar' to regulate the bullshit professions, including homeopathy, acupuncture and estate agency. 

Rangers Violence Began In Late 17th Century, Says Uefa

THE violence at the Uefa Cup final began much earlier than was thought, probably in the late 17th century, officials said last night.

Guest Blog: Chris Martin

    Ooo-o-o-o-oooooh ! Your temperature was up a bit
    So I just called NHS Direct
    They said it’s probably a 24-hour thing
    And that you should take a Nurofen and stay--yeee--yayyy in bed
    Whoooahhhh! Ooooohhhh ! I also told them I have a gaping wound in my
    so-o-o-o-oul, er, as well as a dull pain in my lower b-a-a-ck.

 

Knighthoods For Entire Cast Of 'Heartbeat'

THE cast of Yorkshire police drama Heartbeat has topped the bill in this year's Queen's Birthday honours list.

Europe Destroyed By Curse Of The Leprechaun

EUROPE lay in tatters last night, ravaged by the strongest leprechaun curse in over a decade.

Nuclear Submarine Found On Train

THE government faced fresh embarrassment last night after a Vanguard class nuclear submarine was found on board a commuter train.

Your Astrological Week Ahead

WITH PSYCHIC BOB

Gemini (21 MAY-20 JUN)

Don't waste all your attention on someone who doesn't give back the same level of love. A quick blow job next to the bins is quite sufficient.