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Women Bishops To Fill Cathedrals With Knick-Knacks And Pot Pourri
FEMALE clerics have vowed to fill England's great churches with stupid little knick-knacks and bowls of pot pourri as soon as they become bishops.
It's Actually A Book Club, Insists Mosley
MOTORSPORT boss Max Mosley yesterday rejected claims he had taken part in a Nazi-themed orgy, insisting the event was nothing more than a suburban book club.
Jeremy Kyle Rapped For Showing A Scotsman
THE Jeremy Kyle show has been censured by the television watchdog Ofcom for broadcasting a Scotsman during a daytime programme.
Your Astrological Week Ahead
WITH PSYCHIC BOB
Cancer (21 JUN-22 JUL)
True love is never easy. If you really want it you'll have to put in lots of hard work and do quite a bit of disgusting stuff with fluids.
Your Problems Solved
BY PETULA SOUL
Britain's most insightful agony aunt.
Dear Petula,
I have been married for 15 years and so still have ten years to go before I can divorce my husband and get the house mortgage-free. At the start of our relationship we had an active and healthy sex life but thankfully, since the kids were born, he has found it increasingly hard to maintain himself in an upright position for take-off and landing. Up until recently I was perfectly happy with this situation, but now one of my boyfriends has got a job on the rigs while another has signed up as a long-distance lorry driver. If I can’t pick-up anyone down the pub I sometimes have to go for two or three days without sex.
Churches Urged To Ban Noisy Little Shits
CHURCHES should be given the right to remove noisy little shits the very second they open their mouths, campaigners said last night.
Snail Price Rise Forces French To Eat Own Bogies
A SHARP rise in the price of snails is forcing millions of hard-up Frenchmen to eat their own bogies.
Brown Woos Voters By Acting Like Your Gran
GORDON Brown has outlined plans to recapture the political agenda by acting like your old gran.