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Smokers Urge Gates To Produce Software That Actually Fucking Works
SMOKERS have urged Bill Gates to produce a range of software that doesn't have them reaching for a cigarette every time it crashes.
Britain Looks To Next Generation Of Insurance Fraudsters
BRITAIN was last night pinning its hopes on the next generation of fraudsters, after the latest failure to con a large financial institution with a fake death scam.
Widower Leaves Fortune To Pert, Young Watermelon
A 75 year-old widower from Suffolk is believed to be the first man in the UK to leave his entire estate to a watermelon.
Alcohol To Carry 'Shitfaced' Warning
BOTTLES and cans of alcohol are to carry labels warning consumers they could end up shitfaced.
Millionaire Actors Told To Cheer The F*ck Up
YOUNG multi-millionaire actors were last night urged to stop being so angst-ridden and just cheer the fuck up.
Animal Shatters 100m World Record
ANIMAL was yesterday hailed as the fastest Muppet alive after shattering the 100m world record.
The Communities Living In Fear Of Global Warming Scientists
MORE than half of all communities in Britain are being terrorised by gangs of global warming scientists, it was claimed last night.
Karadzic Hands In Notice At Belgrade Video Shop
FORMER Bosnian Serb leader Radovan Karadzic has been forced to hand in his notice at the Belgrade video shop where has been working for the last 12 years.