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Invisibility Cloak Promises New Era In Frottage
THE invention of an invisibility cloak was last night welcomed by those perverts who rub up against you on the train until they go off.
Out of my box, with Peter Hitchens
AAAAAAAARGH! Aaaaaargh! HARDER! THANK YOU JESUS! AAAAAARGH! That's better.
Water Made From Gas, Say Water Companies
WATER companies last night defended their above inflation price rises insisting water was now made from very expensive gas.
CBI Finds Extra Twenty Million Poor People Behind Fridge
THE CBI last night warned that the UK economy was far worse off than it thought after it found an extra twenty million poor people behind the fridge.
Russia Evil After All
ALMOST 20 years after the end of the Cold War, it emerged last night that Russia really is evil and wants to kill everyone.
Most Athletes Likely To Survive Olympics, Pledges China
LESS than 50% of the athletes competing in this year's Olympic games will be killed by airborne poisons, the Chinese government said last night.
Beijing 2008: The Six Britons Who Will Come Fourth
CARRYING the Olympian hopes of a proud nation, they are the six Great Britons tipped to just miss out on the medals.
'Royals Can Have Privacy As Soon As They Give Us The Money Back'
MOST Britons believe the Royal Family is entitled to its privacy, as soon as it hands back all the money and at least two of the palaces.