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Public Demands More Celebrities To Be Concerned About
ITV was swamped with phone calls last night as viewers across Britain demanded fresh celebrities to worry about.
Guy Ritchie To Scam Madonna Out Of 500 Grand
GUY Ritchie has refused a divorce settlement with Madonna and is instead planning to scam her out of '500 large' with the help of his Cockney mates.
India To Build Hospital On The Moon
INDIA is to build a state of the art, multi-million dollar hospital on the moon.
Gap Narrows Between Poor People And Chickens
THE gap between poor people and chickens is at its narrowest since 1945, according to a major international report.
Blaspheming Buses Will Burn In Hell, Say Christians
BUSES which carry adverts doubting the existence of God are risking their eternal souls, Christian campaigners said last night.
Your Astrological Week Ahead
WITH PSYCHIC BOB
Libra (23 SEP-23 OCT)
Are your fantasies getting in the way of finding true love? While it's fun to daydream, you'll get closer to romance if you remain realistic. Most people can’t even spell coprophiliac.
One Woman's Week: Born Free
By Karen Fenessey
AS an educationalist, it is my solemn duty to defend the state of our children's stomachs. Therefore it is incumbent upon me to point at all of those who support universal free school meals and call them 'Joey'.
Lloyds Chief Spitting Cake Everywhere
LLOYDS TSB chief executive Eric Daniels was last night urged not to speak until he had swallowed all the cake in his mouth.