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Teenage Boys Younger Versions Of Men, Say Experts

TEENAGE boys are nothing more than younger versions of men, new research suggests. 

White Guys To Be Taken Out For A Pint

WHITE guys are to be taken to the pub this weekend and told they are good at things too.

America Buys All That Change Bullshit

BARACK Obama swept to victory last night as millions of Americans lapped up all that bullshit about change.

Cats fine, say cats

CATS last night thanked the government for its interest in their welfare but insisted they were fine.

Your Astrological Week Ahead

WITH PSYCHIC BOB

Scorpio (24 OCT-21 NOV)

Your success is noticed whether you realise it or not. People around you respect your personality and your drive to be the best. But they still hate you.

Britain Now At Its Most Outraged Since 1747

BRITAIN is now more appalled and outraged than at any point in the last 260 years, it has been confirmed.

'Nam That Tune

My Big Gap Year with Poppy Spalding

THURSDAY: HANOI

This week finds me in Hanoi, Vietnam - a place I've no real need to come to as I practically spent most of my childhood here. Not physically of course, but my Uncle Steve used to make us all watch Platoon every time we went over his house so I know this place like the back of my hand.

Brown Sells You To Some Arab Gentlemen

PRIME minister Gordon Brown returned to the UK last night after successfully negotiating the purchase of you by some Arabs.