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Not Just Indians Dead
THE number of people killed as a result of Indian terrorism who are not Indians rose dramatically last night.
Cheese And Onion Crisps Go Into Administration
ADMINISTRATORS were called into cheese and onion crisps last night as the classic flavour became the latest high profile victim of the recession.
Apple Accused Of Exaggerating How Much You Matter
APPLE has been forced to withdraw its latest iPhone advert because it exaggerates how busy you are and how significant your life is.
NHS To Number Old People
ELDERLY people in hospital will be referred to by a number under new NHS guidelines.
Darling Has Secret Plan To Keep Buggering About
CHANCELLOR Alistair has a secret plan to keep buggering about with the British economy until he finds something that works, it was revealed last night.
Lapdancers To Wear William Hague Masks
BRITAIN'S lapdancers are to wear William Hague masks in a bid to restrict their sexual potency.
Ramsay Launches Campaign For Seasonal Freaky Sex Drugs
TV chef Gordon Ramsay is urging consumers to buy freaky sex drugs that are in season.
National Debt To Reach Christ On A Bike
BRITAIN'S national debt will rise from No Way to Christ On A Bike, chancellor Alistair Darling announced yesterday.