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Pope Calls For Cap On Gay Emissions

POPE Benedict has called for a renewed global effort to cap the level of gay emissions.

Britain gets the stupid Christmas advice it deserves

GOVERNMENT guidelines on Christmas safety in the home are every bit as obvious as they need to be, it has been confirmed.

Economy Not Really Our Strongpoint, Admits Bank Of England

THE Bank of England last night admitted the economy was not its strongest subject, insisting it was much better at films and television.

Song Everyone Pretends To Understand Is Christmas Number One

THE incredibly moving song that everyone pretends to understand has topped the Christmas pop charts.

Britain Mugged By Good Samaritan

THE good Samaritan who has offered to pay for your physiotherapy is the same man who mugged you in the first place, it was claimed last night.

Asian monkey coup

MONKEYS controlled much of eastern Asia last night after launching a series of swift and ruthless coups d'état.

Sky To Broadcast In Three Dimensions Of Awfulness

SKY is to add an extra dimension of awfulness to its television output with the launch of 3D TV, it announced last night.