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One Woman's Week: The Age Of Reason
By Karen Fenessey
I MUST admit I am becoming steadily more bamboozled by British society. Whatever happened to the veneration in which we once held our monarchy? In days of yore, people had a much better sense of humour and any decent citizen would have let a tiny spot of racist horseplay slide. And if they were to take offence at the monarchy, they would be severely punished - just look at bonfire night. And Ireland.
Kaka Deal Off After Agent Finally Says The Word 'City'
BRAZILIAN superstar Kaká has called off a move to Manchester after his agent finally said the word 'city'.
Clubbers Ditch Ketamine For Elephant Tranquilisers
YOUNG Britons are switching to elephant-based drugs after the horse tranquiliser Ketamine was officially designated as so last week.
Hudson Crash Landing Still Better Than Heathrow
PASSENGERS on the plane which crash landed on the Hudson river last night insisted the terrifying experience was much better than Heathrow.
Stan Lee Creates First Gay Superhero Since Batman
MARVEL Comics legend Stan Lee is to unveil the world's first homosexual superhero since Batman.
Green Shoots Of Recovery Revealed As Putrefying Fingers Of The Dead
CLAIMS the UK was seeing the green shoots of recovery were withdrawn last night after they were revealed to be nothing more than the mouldy fingers of the recently deceased.
Thanks For All Your Fucking Help, Says River Mouse
A MOUSE which survived a terrifying ordeal in a freezing river has thanked all the humans who stood on the bank taking pictures with their mobile phones.
Charles Beats Asian Friend With Affectionate Polo Mallet
PRINCE Charles's brutal assaults on a polo playing Asian friend are just playful banter, it was claimed last night.