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British Gas To Let You Eat
BRITISH Gas has agreed to leave you just enough money so you can eat.
Doctors Recommend Kebabs For High Testicle Content
THE doner kebab is a nutritious snack filled with zinc and proteins from the compacted shavings of at least 14 different varieties of testicle, doctors said last night.
US Chief Justice Missing
JOHN Roberts, the Chief Justice of the US Supreme Court, was missing last night after ruining Barack Obama's inauguration.
Women Hard-Wired For Cake
WOMEN'S brains are hard-wired for cake, new research shows.
Hope, Challenges, Whatever
BARACK Obama began his historic presidency yesterday with an historic call for hope, renewal, blah blah, hard work, all that sort of stuff.
You're Just Too Pretty To Be A Judge, Cowell Tells Brook
SIMON Cowell has told Kelly Brook she was dropped from Britain's Got Talent because she was just too pretty.
Police Remain Institutionally Stupid
DESPITE a decade of extra investment and training Britain's police remain institutionally stupid, according to a major new report.
RBS To Implode Like House At The End Of 'Poltergeist'
THE Royal Bank of Scotland is just days away from imploding like that house in Poltergeist, it was claimed said last night.