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There's No More Money, Says Man Who Prints All The Money
BRITAIN has run out of money, the man who prints it said last night.
RSPB Gives Surprise Backing To Gigantic Bird Mincers
THE RSPB surprised conservationists last night by calling for the immediate construction of a UK-wide network of gigantic bird mincers.
Your Astrological Week Ahead
WITH PSYCHIC BOB
Aries (21 MAR-19 APR)
Even a well-adjusted Aries can find it hard to know whether to compromise or confront. And you are a completely mental one.
No Such Thing As Arsehole Bees, Say Experts
THERE is no bee equivalent of a lazy, self-centered arsehole who offloads all their admin onto you, according to new research.
Is Ofcom Run By Poofters?
CONCERN was growing last night that Ofcom, the media watchdog, is being run by a bunch of nancy-boy poofters.
Inflation Basket To Include ‘grand Designs’
THE basket of goods used to calculate inflation will now include property show Grand Designs, the Office for National Statistics said last night.
Women Sad About Something, Say Men
WOMEN across Britain seem to be terribly sad about something, men said today.
Energy Companies Forced To Come Up With New Range Of Bullshit Excuses
ENERGY companies will be forced to invent a new range of bullshit excuses for putting up prices whenever they feel like it, it emerged today.