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Brown Somehow Manages To Make Total Arse Of MPs' Expenses
PRIME minister Gordon Brown has surprised Westminster by somehow managing to make the scandal over MPs' expenses even worse than it already was.
Your Astrological Week Ahead
WITH PSYCHIC BOB
Taurus (April 20-May 20)
Write down 15 things about yourself that are lowering your confidence. And don't just go for the really obvious ones.
Casual Racism Can Save Environment, Say Experts
TANK tops, everyday racial abuse and Larry Grayson could all help tackle climate change, according to a report urging a return to 1970s lifestyles.
Budget To Include £1 Billion For New Squats
TOMORROW'S Budget is expected to include a £1 billion programme to build thousands of houses that no-one can afford to buy.
Britain's Only Shop Makes Enormous Profit
THE only place where people can buy things has made a huge profit again, it has been confirmed.
Newcastle Fans To Pretend Championship Is Premier League
NEWCASTLE United fans brushed off yesterday's defeat by Spurs insisting they have a fool-proof scheme to guarantee the club a place in next season's top flight.
I'm Not Even Trying Any More, Admits Darling
CHANCELLOR Alistair Darling last night admitted he is not even trying any more after pledging £15bn worth of 'efficiency savings'.
